To make it possible for everyone
to attend church this Sunday, we are going to have a special "No Excuse Sunday":
1. Cots will be placed in the foyer for those who say,
"Sunday is my only day to sleep in."
2. There will be a special section with lounge chairs for
those who feel that our pews are too hard.
3. Eye drops will be available for those with tired eyes
from watching TV late Saturday night.
4. We will have steel helmets for those who say, "The
roof would cave in if I ever came to church."
5. The fire extinguishers will be at the end of every pew
(along with the Fire Department parked outside) for those who say, "The church would
probably burn down if I step foot in it"
6. Blankets will be furnished for those who think the
church is too cold, and fans for those who say it is too hot.
7. Score cards will be available for those who wish to list
the hypocrites present.
8. Relatives and friends will be in attendance for those
who can't go to church and cook dinner, too.
9. We will distribute "Stamp Out
Stewardship"buttons for those that feel the church is always asking for money.
10. One section will be devoted to trees and grass for
those who like to seek God in nature.
11. Doctors and nurses will be in attendance for those who
plan to be sick on Sunday.
12. The auditorium will be decorated with both Christmas
poinsettias and Easter lilies for those who have never worshipped without them.
13. We will provide hearing aids for those who can't hear
the preacher and cotton wool for those who think he's too loud!
14. We will have representatives from the finest clothing
stores for our weekly give-away, that's right, FREE clothes and accessories, for those of
us who have nothing to wear. (SOME OF US KNOW ABOUT THIS!!)